[VIDEO] The GOP Still Hasn't Figured Out Health Care: The Daily Show (Video & Complete Transcript by Trevor Noah)

Mar 9, 2017

Daily Show with Trevor Noah
VIDEO WITH COMPLETE TRANSCRIPT
After years of trying to repeal and replace the Affordable Care Act, Congressional Republicans roll out a contentious health care bill of their own. Watch full ...
Daily Show with Trevor Noah YouTube Video with Transcript

  • But let's move on, ladies and gentlemen, to the one thing Paul Ryan spends more time on than his biceps-- Obamacare.
  • Since its very inception, Paul Ryan has had one goal.
  • We really have a problem with the direction of these bills, and we have offered principled, alternative bills.
  • We're going to do everything we can to try to repeal and replace this thing.
  • The case for repeal must be matched with even greater intensity by a case for replace.
  • We're also going to repeal Obamacare and replace Obamacare with a better system.
  • Because we think we owe the country an alternative.
  • But most urgent is to actually repeal and replace Obamacare.
  • We have to step in and repeal and replace Obamacare.
  • -(laughter) -Yes, from Jason Priestley Ryan -to Bear Grylls Ryan.
  • -(laughter) All the way to "Sure, I love Donald Trump Ryan," Obamacare's been his obsession.
  • He was probably having nightmares about it, waking up like, "Aah! Repeal and replace! Repeal and replace Obamacare." And then he turns to his wife and be like, "Oh, honey, I had the most horrible dream." But then he turns, and her head is also Obamacare! -♪ Da, da, dun! ♪ -(laughter) So..
  • After seven years of fighting to replace Obamacare with a GOP plan, Ryan's moment has finally come.
  • House, Senate, White House-- all Republican.
  • -So now, without further ado..
  • -(drumroll) ..after so many years that I can only assume were spent crafting the world's greatest healthcare plan in history, let's hear what the American public has won! -♪ ♪ -Breaking news.
  • House Republicans just unveiling their bill.
  • Ten million Americans could lose coverage under this new plan.
  • The proposal destabilizes insurance markets.
  • It will.
  • You'll see that premiums will go up.
  • (laughter) -(fanfare) -(laughter) No.
  • -(cheering) -N-No, no, no.
  • -No.
  • Forget the balloons.
  • -Yeah! -Forget the balloons.
  • No.
  • -Yeah! -Yeah! Yeah! -Oh, no.
  • No, no, Jordan, no.
  • -What? -No, it's..
  • It's cancelled.
  • It's not mission accomplished.
  • -What? -Sorry, man.
  • Could I keep this? I will..
  • I want to hold it up after sex.
  • -(laughter) -Uh, whatev-whatever.
  • Sweet.
  • (chuckles) Honey, put on the Bjorn.
  • -(laughter) -You said..
  • Anyway..
  • But really, Paul Ryan? Millions of people losing health insurance, premiums going up? This is the crap you've been hyping for seven years? Seven years, and this is what they bring.
  • That's like waiting three hours for a pizza delivery, and then when you open the box the delivery guy's got his (bleep) in the middle of it.
  • I mean, yeah, don't get me wrong, you're still gonna eat around the penis because it's pizza, but it's not ideal, is what I'm saying.
  • And-and you know what, there's a lot to unpack in this bill, because it's complicated.
  • But there's a simple metric that anyone can understand: who wins and who loses.
  • Winners right now are the young, uh, because they get this great subsidy and they're generally healthy; uh, wealthy people, who are seeing their taxes go down as it relates to healthcare; and health insurers, who are benefiting from this.
  • Here are the losers, as we look at it.
  • (laughter) First of all, out of context, that graphic is just mean.
  • That is just mean.
  • And-and second, I'm not a medical expert, but I feel like..
  • If one of the losers of your healthcare plan is sick people..
  • -(laughter) -you done (bleep) up.
  • (whooping, applause) I'm just gonna say.
  • Now..
  • Now, to be fair, to be fair, this plan would give subsidies to people in the middle class who didn't get them under Obamacare, right? But it pays for that partly by forcing four to six million poor people off of Medicaid.
  • And if you're saying, "Well, there's only so much money to go around," then why does this plan also give a massive tax cut to rich people, who are now also gonna be saying, "There is so much money to go around!" Look, we can't act surprised that a Republican plan is gonna screw over poor people.
  • In fact, by now you've obviously all seen Representative Chaffetz on TV-- you've all seen that clip.
  • You know, where he was like, "Maybe poor people need to stop wasting their money on iPhones." Yeah, as if people were in hospitals going, "Mm, chemo or Candy Crush? Mm.." But okay, Republicans, since you are so good at managing your money, why don't you tell us how you're gonna pay for all of this? There's no price tag.
  • -The CBO has not marked this yet.
  • -Right.
  • -We have no idea what it's gonna cost.
  • Oh..
  • -(laughter) -They can't figure out the big numbers? If only you had spent your money on the iPhone, you could have used the calculator app on it.
  • -(applause) -See what happened there? (cheering, whistling) Now..
  • Obviously, Democrats are against the plan, mostly because Obamacare is the only thing that reminds them of the good times, you know? It's like, "Mmm, still smells like him." (laughter) But the real surprise is that some Republicans are even more against it.
  • Because for them, this healthcare plan still has too much healthcare in it.
  • Conservative Republicans don't like the proposal, because it's too similar to Obamacare.
  • NEWSMAN: Conservative leaders are refusing to sign on, saying the new bill is Obamacare Light.
  • The house bill that has been put forward is Obamacare Light-- it won't work.
  • -This bill has real problems.
  • -We've got to do better..
  • This is not the repeal bill that we've been waiting for for all these years.
  • Aw, man, there's nothing worse than seeing a sad Republican.
  • (laughter) It's like they found out Santa was real..
  • But he's Mexican.
  • -(laughter) -Mm..
  • (applause, whooping) So..
  • Democrats, Republicans, poor people, everyone hates this thing.
  • Except over at Donald Trump's White House, where they're focused on the bill's most important feature.
  • One of the things that's important, Sarah, is for all of the people who have concerns about this, especially on the right, look at the size.
  • This is the Democrats, this is us.
  • There is-- I mean, you can't get any clearer in terms of this is government, this is not.
  • (laughter) I'm sorry, no.
  • No, I'm sorry.
  • No, guys.
  • It feels like now Spicer's just parodying himself now.
  • Like, it's like, he's like, he's like, "I know what you're gonna do Melissa McCarthy.
  • "No! No! If anyone's gonna make fun of the spice man, "it's going to be me, it's gonna be me.
  • Damn you, Melissa McCarthy.
  • I'm doing it myself." (cheering and applause) What does that even mean? This whole bill doesn't really make sense.
  • It doesn't meet up to anybody's standards.
  • And you know who should be the most upset about this is President Trump.
  • Because remember during the campaign and the transition? He said everyone would be covered under his plan.
  • Premiums would go down, and care would be better.
  • He must be so ashamed of this crappy replacement plan.
  • I'm proud to support the replacement plan released by the House of Representatives.
  • It's a complicated process, but actually, it's very simple.
  • It's called good healthcare.
  • "Good healthcare." That's the thing I love about Donald Trump, he tells it like it is.
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